5 ways to talk to strangers
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
Many people find initiating conversation with strangers in social situations awkward at best. What should I say? What should I do? What if can’t think of anything else to say? What if I’m boring? What if they’re boring? - What if this, what if that.
It’s time to ditch those what ifs. After all is said and done, fear of the “yet to happen” is only just false evidence appearing real. Instead of missing out on great opportunities to meet new people, try these five simple ways to talk to strangers next time you find yourself in such a situation.
#1 - Introduce yourself.
If you ever find yourself alone at a social event and near someone else who is too, take the first step and introduce yourself; a simple “Hi, I’m _______. How’s it going?” will suffice. You’d be surprised at how many people often forget this crucial point!
#2 - Make a comment about your situation or surroundings.
If you’re at a party, ask them how they’re enjoying it. If you’re at a wedding, ask them how they know the wedding party. If you’re at a funeral, ask them how they knew the deceased. If you’re at a school club or hobby meeting, ask them how they got involved with it or how they first heard about it.
Go with what you have - chances are, if they’re alone, they’ll welcome conversation. Small talk is a good way to warm people up, because it often involves neutral questions and subjects within their comfort zones. Nobody is going to refuse to tell you how they know the bride of the wedding or how they got involved with the debate club!
#3 - Ask them questions about themselves.
Make no mistake about it: people love to talk about themselves. Knowing this, one of the best ways to engage strangers in conversation is to ask them questions that allow them to talk about themselves (and in the process, reveal more information for you to base the conversation on) in a “socially accepted” manner.
Questions to ask:
- What do you do?
- How do you like [the job / subject of study]?
- How long have you been doing that?
- What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
“What do you do?” is a very neutral question, and in most cases, opens up to further conversation. When asking someone questions about themselves, be sure not to turn it confrontational - in other words, go easy easy on the questions. Switch up personal questions with related information about yourself: “You’re an investment banker? How interesting! I’m studying commerce at [school here]”.
What you’re looking for here is common ground - by asking the other person questions, you learn more about them. Use what they tell you about themselves to further the conversation (“you’re an animal rights activist? Did you attend that recent protest outside xzy establishment?”) and/or create a common connection (“You like ballet? Me too! I especially like the Royal Winnipeg Ballet Company - Have you ever seen any of their performances?”).
#4 - Gauge their interest.
Pay special interest to how your conversation partner responds to your attempts at conversation. If you’re asking them questions, do they reply back in short answers or longer ones? Do they ask you the same question back? (”what about you?”) What’s their body language like? Are they closed off (arms crossed, stiff position, body turned away, etc.) or are they warmed up (attentive, body turned towards you, arms uncrossed, etc.)?
If they’re responding negativity, it might be worth it to politely cut the conversation short (”well, I think I’ll mingle around - it was great talking to you!”) and move on.
#5 - Give them a chance to talk.
Too often when people are nervous, they babble. It’s easy to talk lots to fill the awkward silence, but it doesn’t make for real, two-sided (dynamic) conversation. Give them a chance to talk. Give them a chance to step up to the plate and ask you questions.
What most people don’t often realize is that nearly everyone goes through the same “what if” thoughts and same feelings of insecurity as we ourselves do - we’ve all been there.
Everywhere you go, someone will be in this situation—no matter what you think, you’re never the only one. Be bold and be the first to initiate conversation with someone else—it may just very well change the course of the evening for all parties involved. You’ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
This was interesting to read - now that I think about it, I do everything on that list without actually realizing it. Talking to strangers is something I’ve recently become comfortable with doing.
Reply: Good for you! It’s one of things (like many) that becomes easier with practice, and eventually second nature.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I’m just starting university in another country and I’m truly scared but excited at the same time to meet new people. I’m nervous that the locals might think of me as some kind of weirdo to be talking to them. I shall give these 5 methods a try!
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 am
I’ve heard these same methods over and over again, its just that I’m to scared to start them. Most if not all don’t even work in my situation at school (all the people around me talk to each other but seem to think i’m invisible). I would like if someone could get me started with some babysteps or something so that i could get people to stop ignoring me or running away if i do start talking to them.
Reply: The school environment can be tough, simply because most people already have a social circle they belong to (depending on your grade, the situation, etc.). Your best way to meet someone new is to talk to them when they don’t have their friends around - it’s a lot less nerve wracking, and usually grants you a better response, depending on the person. Good examples of this are in class (when you can talk, of course) … not everyone has every class with their friends. If you’re observant, you’ll usually figure out who those people are right away.
Although, may I suggest something? If people are ignoring you or running away from you when you talk to them, there is probably a reason - people simply don’t just do that for no reason at all. Perhaps you should find out what is. Maybe next time it happens, stop them and ask them why they do that. What do you have to lose? If they don’t give you an answer, nothing has changed. If they do give you an answer, it might be hard to take, but at least you know what it is, and you’ll be one step closer to finding a solution.